BIG IDEA:

The power to forbear and forgive others comes from abiding in the forgiving and affirming love of Christ.

This Week’s Bible Reading: Acts 12–James 2

While not required for your D Group discussion, here’s an intro video to the second half of Acts:

Week 8: Forbearance & Forgiveness: The Keys to Loving Our Enemies (Overcome Evil with Good)

The Big Idea: The power to forbear and forgive others comes from abiding in the forgiving and affirming love of Christ.

Here’s a quick recap of our journey so far in this series as we’re learning what it means to apprentice our lives to Christ: Our working definition of a disciple of Christ is a person who is willing to give up their preconceived ideas of what life is all about, to abandon their previous way of living, immersing themselves into the way, the truth, and the life of the Master, in order to be like Christ. This is his real invitation. Come follow me. Come join me in my Kingdom. He challenges us to make it first - to seek first the Kingdom.

I paraphrased The Disciple’s Priority, Jesus’ commandment to seek first the Kingdom this way: Above anything else, pursue God’s Kingdom agenda and join with His activity in your everyday traffic patterns of life as you develop the attitude and character of Christ. In one sense, that’s the purpose statement for your apprenticeship.

You might remember I said, “To be His disciple, you have to be willing for Christ as master to challenge every aspect of your thinking, what is right and just and fair, what are appropriate responses to life’s challenges and toughest people, your values, your moral virtues - every single worldview floating around in that incredible brain of yours. You have to be willing to give it all up - you can’t hold on to any of it if you’re going to apprentice yourself to Jesus. He’s the teacher. He’s the one with the right thinking and we have to be willing to experience a total reformation of our minds.”

Nowhere is this more challenging than in the area of what to do with those difficult people of our lives that seem to come against us. You see, for these opponents in life, Jesus offers his most radical teaching of all. He doesn’t teach us meditative coping skills, anger management, or diversity training. No - he goes completely against our natural way of thinking and calls for a transformation like no other. As we are learning to love like Jesus, let’s jump into our big idea for today and learn to love even our enemies.

A reporter was interviewing an old man on his 100th birthday. The reporter asked, “What are you most proud of in your long life?” The old guy thought about it a few seconds and came back with his answer. "Well, I don't have an enemy in the world." The reporter was just moved by the answer and said, “What a beautiful thought! How inspirational!" To which the old guys laughed and said, “Yep, I outlived every last one of them."

Can you think of someone in your life with whom you have been arguing or has made you angry? Do you have someone or multiple people who are right now actively engaged in making your life difficult, whether they realize it or not? Chances are you had to answer yes to those questions. Whether or not you’ve thought of it this way, in a sense, those people are your enemies. What are your thoughts and actions toward them suppose to be? What does Jesus expect from his apprentices?

We turn to Luke’s gospel for this lesson. This is Luke chapter 6.

Luke 6:27-36 CSB
27 “But I say to you who listen: Love your enemies, do what is good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 If anyone hits you on the cheek, offer the other also. And if anyone takes away your coat, don’t hold back your shirt either. 30 Give to everyone who asks you, and from someone who takes your things, don’t ask for them back. 31 Just as you want others to do for you, do the same for them. 32 If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. 33 If you do what is good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do what is good, and lend, expecting nothing in return. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High. For he is gracious to the ungrateful and evil. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.

Wow. You talk about some radical teaching! I mean - for most of us, we’d probably rather our text for today on how to deal with our enemies to be more like David’s prayer of frustration in Psalm 109. Listen to how he prayed to God about his enemy:

Psalm 109: 8-13 NLT
8 Let his years be few; let someone else take his position. 9 May his children become fatherless, and his wife a widow. 10 May his children wander as beggars and be driven from their ruined homes. 11 May creditors seize his entire estate, and strangers take all he has earned. 12 Let no one be kind to him; let no one pity his fatherless children. 13 May all his offspring die. May his family name be blotted out in the next generation.

Ever prayed a prayer like that? Man, that’s pretty intense, huh? But we’ve all been there, right? Some people just get to us. And our old way of thinking kicks in so easily in these situations. It seems justifiable to fight back, to defend, to get even or offer payback. And yet, this radical rabbi from Nazareth to whom you’ve determined to bind your life to in order to master his trade offers up such opposite teaching that it almost seems preposterous. What did he say? Love your enemy?

So let’s do some apprenticing. Let’s take the first couple verses of our text and use it as an outline.

Luke 6:27-28 CSB
27 “But I say to you who listen: Love your enemies, do what is good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

Let’s start with the first phrase,

1. Love your enemies. You might remember from our last session as we were studying the greatest commandments, one of which is to love your neighbor as your self, the tricky religion scholar asks Jesus, “Who is my neighbor?” Well perhaps for this session we might ask the opposite question, “Who is my enemy?”

Here are some dictionary definitions: one that is antagonistic to another; a person hostile or opposed to a policy, cause, person, or group; an opponent

That gets the ball rolling a bit on who we might consider to be our enemy. I mean, we’ve probably all had people in our lives from time to time that we thought were just out to get us - had it in for us. Those are easily identifiable. But I would suggest that your enemy might not always be just those with whom you are in an all out war. Here are some examples:

• Those who attack us. Certainly on the spectrum of enemies, these people are the most vicious and easily identifiable as our enemies.

• Those who wrong us. They hurt our feelings. They gossip about us. Some of it may be intentional, but at other times they may not even know.

• Those with whom we argue. In the moment, perhaps they are our enemy. It is a battle of words, of who is right or wrong, often escalating as someone tries to win.

• Those who stand in opposition to our values and convictions - regardless of whether we’ve ever talked to them face to face. If you’re a republican you might feel as though the democrats are your enemy and vice versa. For some people, Colin Kapernick might have triggered a movement that stirs up anger because you think they violate a value and conviction. You don’t even know them and yet what they stand for, or kneel for, is so wrong to you, whether you want to admit it or not, they, and anyone who dares to agree with them, have become an enemy to you. Now, you know me, I’m not here to stir up controversy or pick sides. I’m just trying to broaden the scope of who your enemies might be so you can allow Jesus to reshape your thinking and response to them.

• Your enemy might also be someone in your past. Maybe your experience with them was such that you have yet to let go of the feelings of anger and bitterness. We’ll deal with that before the session is over as well.

And yet, Jesus gives us clear instructions on what our response toward these enemies should be. He says to love them. Now, remember, the love Jesus speaks of is in the original Greek language as the word agape. You might remember C.S. Lewis’ definition: Selfless love, a love that is passionately committed to the well-being of others. And so when Jesus says we are to love our enemies, he’s not just saying it’s just the absence of conflict - it’s a commitment to their well-being. It’s rooted in the Kingdom principle of the Great Reversal: The first being last and the last being first. It doesn’t mean you agree with them. It doesn’t mean you condone their behavior or validate their opposing views. It’s setting aside your instinct to retaliate and defend yourself for the sake of God’s love toward that person. Next he says,

2. Do what is good to those who hate you. This runs in such opposition to the old man, doesn’t it? But this part of the command is clearly rooted in agape - being passionately committed to the well-being of others. Now, similar to last week when we talked about compassion as a dynamic of agape love, this week I want to present two more dynamics of agape love. The first is the dynamic of Forbearance. Forbearance is withholding retaliation or demand for payment. It could also be defined as patient self-control. Long-suffering is a King James way of saying it.

So the beginning of doing good to your enemies is simply forbearance, patiently withholding retaliation for the sake of love. Paul would teach us about this later in Romans 12:

Romans 12:17-19 CSB
17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Give careful thought to do what is honorable in everyone’s eyes. 18 If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Friends, do not avenge yourselves; instead, leave room for God’s wrath, because it is written, Vengeance belongs to me; I will repay, says the Lord.

Notice that forbearance is not to say that the one who has brought harm into your life will be off the hook forever. You’re just leaving the vengeance to someone much more capable. David had the opportunity to retaliate against Saul. He could’ve easily taken matters into his own hands. But what did he say?

1 Samuel 24:12
May the LORD judge between you and me. And may the LORD avenge the wrongs you have done to me, but my hand will not touch you.

As we go about observing the life of Christ, apprenticing our lives to his example living, we see that Jesus himself demonstrated incredible longsuffering and forbearance,

Matthew 27:12-14 NIV
12 When he was accused by the chief priests and the elders, he gave no answer. 13 Then Pilate asked him, “Don’t you hear the testimony they are bringing against you?” 14 But Jesus made no reply, not even to a single charge— to the great amazement of the governor.

Forbearance. Being patient and long-suffering. And remember, at some point - all will be reconciled - either through the cross or the judgement. But doing good is not just withholding retaliation, it goes much further. We continue with Paul in Romans 12 for a moment:

Romans 12:20-21 ESV
20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

This is how we get through to our enemies. Not by shouting matches. Not by winning arguments. Not by retaliation and vengeance - but through goodness and kindness. This leads us to Jesus third part of the command:

3. Bless those who curse you. - To truly bless someone is “the projection of good into the life of another.”[1] We sometimes use the phrase, “God bless you.” And that’s really what Christ-like blessing is all about. We are calling on God on behalf of the individual to support the good that we are willing into their life. And get this, blessing someone is certainly not just a verbal performance. It is a prayerful spirit of calling for God’s best. It is not excusing wrong or immoral behavior. You’re not asking God to ignore it. You’re asking God to show them His love in spite of it. Again, he’ll handle the cleansing and judging in His way and in his time. He is God, you know? Leave the judging to Him.

Jesus says a bit later in this Sermon on the Plain, in verse 37:

Luke 6:37-42 CSB
37 “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. 38 Give, and it will be given to you; a good measure—pressed down, shaken together, and running over—will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.”

This language of reciprocity is used by Jesus all the time. It’s the sowing and reaping language. When we exercise God’s loving ways, God makes sure it comes back to us. Granted, it won’t always come back from your enemies, but He promises it will come back to you, even it’s from God Himself.

So Forbearance: withholding retaliation, showing grace and mercy, kindness and goodness. But there’s one other part of his command. He says to...

4. Pray for those who mistreat you. How do we pray for our enemies? I mean, we often think of prayer as asking for something good in our own lives or at least in the lives of our loved ones. Jesus himself encourages us to pray with faith for positive outcomes. Listen to this from Mark 11:

Mark 11:22-25 CSB
22 Jesus replied to them, “Have faith in God. 23 Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. 24 Therefore I tell you, everything you pray and ask for—believe that you have received it and it will be yours.

That’s pretty awesome, huh? And Jesus says to use that same kind of faith-based, positive outcome prayer for your enemies as well. But it wouldn’t be right to stop reading there. Jesus also says next,

25 And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you your wrongdoing.”

This right here, this is how we pray for our enemies. Forgiveness. This is the second dynamic of agape love we have to cover. Forgiveness. We return again to the Lord’s Prayer:

Matthew 6:12, 14-15 NLT
...forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us.

After he concluded the model prayer, he went even further with the discussion on forgiveness:

14 “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. 15 But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Now - these sort of conditional forgiveness statements are not uncommon in Jesus’ teaching. They’re even a bit confusing since we’ve been taught unconditional forgiveness, don’t they? Here’s my best shot at helping us to understand.

You see, to seek forgiveness from God for you own sins while withholding forgiveness from others is hypocritical. He’s saying you can’t walk in true fellowship with me if you refuse to forgive others. Living with unforgiveness is living in disobedience to God. He teaches the depth of this principle in response to one of Peter’s most famous questions:

Matthew 18:21-35 CSB
21 Then Peter approached him and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? As many as seven times?” 22 “I tell you, not as many as seven,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven. 23 “For this reason, the kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.

Here we go. Jesus says, “Life in the Kingdom of Heaven in the here and now looks like this.” And so the story goes that a servant is brought in who owes the king a lot of money. At first, the king says, go sell everything you have to pay it. The servant falls down, begs for mercy, and the king compassionately forgives the loan. But the servant immediately goes right out and tracks down the guy who owes him just a little bit of money. He chokes him around the neck, demanding payment. When the guy can’t pay, he has him thrown in prison. Word gets back to the king and he’s infuriated. Listen to what he says,

32 ...‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Shouldn’t you also have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’

Jesus is saying a primary rule in the kingdom is to forgive as you have been forgiven. Paul goes on to reiterate this principle:

Ephesians 4:32 ESV
32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, (but how far should we go?) as God in Christ forgave you.

That’s our model, friends. Forgive others as much as God has forgiven you through Christ. Here’s a question you can ask yourself: How can I reflect the heart God has for me toward others? It’s the line from the Lord’s prayer: Forgive my wrongdoing as I am forgiving those who have wronged me.

But can we really forgive someone if they haven’t asked for it? Boy, that’s a great question and here’s how I’ve come to think of it: There’s a difference between forgiveness (letting go of bitterness, resentment, and the need for repayment) and reconciliation (only possible if repentance is present). The writer of Hebrews says,

Hebrews 12:14-15 ESV
14 Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. 15 See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;

Unforgiveness and bitterness go hand in hand. And the writer says that if it takes root in your heart, it affects not just you, but others - “many become defiled.” Your bitterness spreads throughout your home, your workplace, your classroom. Another translation calls it the “poison of bitterness.” It poisons your heart and soul. For some of us, there’s unforgiveness for some truly terrible injustices in our past. But by in large, for most of us, it’s a series of smaller enemies over our lifetime. Little wrongs against us that have been the seeds of bitterness that have taken root.

Now, 1 Corinthians 13 is called the love chapter for a reason. I’d like to challenge you to take a day this week to reflect on it carefully, but take a look at verse 4-7 here. See how useful these descriptors might be at helping you to love your enemy. I’m reading from the New Living Translation.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NLT
4 Love is patient and kind. (That’s forbearance.) Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

It keeps no record of being wronged. That’s the way most modern translations interpret the end of verse 5. Keeping record is like planting seeds of bitterness in your heart. But forgiveness is about digging up those weeds that choke out God’s love, keep it from being able to flow through your life.

If you went seeking repentance from every one who has hurt you or sinned against you - it might seem hopeless. But again, we’re not necessarily talking about reconciliation. We’re talking about forgiveness. In the original Greek the word actually has the connotation of “letting it go.” It’s not approval of wrongdoing. It’s not condoning it. It’s the commitment to not hold on to it - to not let the effects of it take root in our heart. And here’s a lesson you can’t miss:

Forgiveness is trusting God for the outcome. We’ve already mentioned leaving the judgement and penalty and reconciliation for the offender in God’s hands. But what about our own lives? We’re trusting him for the best and brightest outcomes as well.

Remember we talked about this a few weeks ago: as his apprentice, Jesus invites us to take on His yoke, to bind ourselves to him. He’s carrying the load with us, he’s there at every turn as we learn to do life in the Kingdom with Him. “What we must learn in his yoke, beyond acting WITH him, is to abandon outcomes to God, accepting that we do not have in our selves the wherewithal to make this come out right, whatever “this” is.”[2] You see, to abandon outcomes is to give up self-sufficiency and to abide in the circle of sufficiency we find in Christ’s love. And forgiveness toward your enemies is one of the ultimate practices in God-dependance.

You remember Joseph’s story, right? His jealous brothers sell him off into slavery. His life goes through radical ups and downs because of it. But he ends up a mighty ruler in Egypt. The family has been reunited, their father Isaac dies and now the brothers are afraid Joseph is going to get back at them. They cook up a story that Isaac told them to tell Joseph to forgive them for the suffering they caused him. I pick it up here in verse 17

Genesis 50:16-21 CSB
17 ...Joseph wept when their message came to him. 18 His brothers also came to him, bowed down before him, and said, “We are your slaves!” 19 But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? (Boy - that’s a good one, isn’t it? We sure act like we’re in the place of God a lot, don’t we?) 20 You planned evil against me; God planned it for good to bring about the present result—the survival of many people. 21 Therefore don’t be afraid. I will take care of you and your children.” And he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.

My friend, can I just tell you this that God is in control of your outcomes. He can take the worst assault of your life, the broken pieces of a lifetime of woundedness and turn it it something extraordinary. Your fate - your outcome in life is not in the hands of those who would come against you. Your destiny is found in the life God wants for you. Joseph’s response was to love his enemies - to comfort them - to speak kindly to them. Listen,

Romans 8:28 NLT
...we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Friend, if you’re still struggling with enemies from your past, let it go. Don’t hold onto it any longer. Join with Paul. Quit looking in the rearview mirror.

Philippians 3:13 ESV
13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead...

In our own strength, this kind of forbearance and forgiveness isn’t possible. What we’ve got to remember is that this kind of loving, rooted in selfless and sacrificial agape love, the compassion for the hurting and disoriented we talked about last week, and forbearance and forgiveness toward our enemies, while it is a choice to live that way, it is only enabled through abiding in the love and grace of Christ. It’s going to take the transformational power of God in our hearts.

Let me say it again: The power to forbear and forgive others comes from abiding in the forgiving and affirming love of Christ. I’m convinced that this is what John was talking about. God’s love is made complete in us only when it flows through us into other’s lives.

It also means we’re ok if love for our enemies is not reciprocated because our sufficiency, all the love we need, is found as we abide in Christ’s love for us. And thus, as he has promised, joy and peace are made complete as well. Love, joy, and peace should be our default disposition if we are abiding in Christ. And isn’t that the life you long for, anyway? Can I just tell you that if we truly apprentice our whole lives to Christ, this is what we can fully expect. Friend, this is the life you were meant to live. Accepting his invitation into the community of love represented in the Trinity, trusting in him alone as your sole sufficiency, selflessly loving your brothers and sisters in Christ, compassionately giving to the hurting and disoriented, even extending loving forbearance and forgiveness to your enemies, past and present. This is what it looks like to love like Jesus. The goal and ambition of our life with Him. “The aim of our life is to be like Christ.”

Be sure to use the questions and points of prayer I’ve listed at the end of the transcript. You may also want to study that diagram of circles related to how Trinitarian agape love flows to us and through us. And one day this week, be sure to pull out 1 Corinthians 13, especially verses 4 through 7 and process your own interactions with the people in your life through Paul’s description and standards of Christ-like love. I’m proud of you. Keep going. Your mind is being transformed. Now go out and practice what you’ve learned. Let’s go Love Like Jesus!

Questions to ask yourself:

• How often do you let arguments go much further than they should? Where you know you said things you shouldn't have?

• If you are truly honest with yourself, do you often feel the need to defend yourself?

• Have I contributed to the situation with my enemies? Do I need to also repent to the other party?

• Here’s a one question test to determine whether or not you’ve forgiven someone: “Are you still talking about

• it?” Do you bring it up with friends and family? Chances are you haven’t really forgiven that person.

• Here’s a process for praying through the answers to those questions. Use this as a guide for reflection and repentance.

• Ask the Lord to search your heart for lingering unforgiveness and bitterness.

• Repent to the Lord if you need to.

• Ask him to fill you with His love.

• Pray for your enemies by name. Forgive them if you need to.

• Ask God to heal your wounds and restore your joy and peace as you abide in His love.

• Determine how you will “bless” or “do good” for your enemies in the days ahead.

  ______

Notes:

1. Dallas Willard, Living in Christ’s Presence P. 163

2. Dallas Willard, Renovation of the Heart, P. 209.