0:00

Smart today, we are thrilled to introduce you

0:04

to Elizabeth. Elizabeth is our friend and colleague,

0:08

and she is joining us today to chat about

0:12

her autism and diagnosis, which she discovered as

0:15

an adult, you'll hear her talk about her

0:17

connecting the dots of her life and how

0:20

that informed her decision and choice to get

0:24

a formal assessment. She also shares with us

0:26

some workplace accommodations. And we have a really interesting conversation

0:31

about when and how she makes the decision

0:34

to disclose her autism diagnosis.

0:37

And how sometimes she chooses not to. She

0:39

also shares how her autism

0:42

informs her parenting as well as her role

0:45

in an independent school as a learning specialist.

0:48

We would love to remind you guys to

0:50

leave a a review. If you appreciate the

0:54

conversations and the knowledge that we get to

0:56

share on learn Smarter podcast. It means a

0:58

lot to us when you leave a 5 star review, and might just a little something.

1:02

We read it. I screenshot it. I send

1:04

it a staff, and it means a lot to us. So be sure to go ahead

1:08

and do that. And now let's dig in. You want to learn faster,

1:12

but sometimes working harder

1:16

is just the sir you have to learn

1:20

smarter the educational therapy podcast.

1:25

Hi, Smart. Welcome to episode 318

1:27

of Learns Smarter. The educational therapy podcast. I'm

1:29

Stephanie Pitt, and I reach rachel cap. And

1:32

today, we are thrilled to have Elizabeth on

1:35

the podcast to talk about about hi, Elizabeth. She's gonna

1:39

talk about her journey as an adult with an autism diagnosis.

1:44

And we're both just thrilled. We've known you

1:47

for a long time, and we're both thrilled

1:50

that you are willing to share this journey

1:53

with our audience because I think there's a lot of people. It's gonna resonate with them.

1:57

So welcome. Happy to have you here. Thank you so

2:01

much. Thank you so much for having me. This whole process of this has just been

2:05

a whirlwind and I'm really glad

2:09

to share it with other people because I

2:11

think that it's it's something that people don't

2:14

expect. It's something that people don't really understand

2:17

fully, but I was lucky to have a lot of support in this process. So, yeah.

2:22

So ask a away, I'm happy to share

2:24

as much as I can, and I hope that this will inspire other people

2:29

to look inward and maybe find out something

2:32

about themselves. They were kinda sure about, but

2:35

want confirmation up. So yeah. Yeah. Let's just

2:38

say straight up we've known you a very long time. You run in the same circles.

2:42

Yeah. I was gonna say probably, we know you 10 years. Yep. We've known each other

2:47

for a while. And right now, I'm at

2:49

a school an independent school. I've worked as

2:52

a therapist. I've worked as a classroom teacher.

2:54

I've worked as a preschool. So through

2:57

education, you know, I'm pretty much done it all, so... All of the things. All of

3:00

the things. Hashtag, all of the things. Yep. So why

3:04

don't you share a little bit more about who you

3:08

are and what you do and sort of

3:11

you know, maybe we should just start up straight off the bat. We're discussing

3:15

sort of your internal exploration. This certainly you've been on the last

3:20

let me say, year a year and a half. So that's right? That's about right, but

3:23

really for me, when I look back, this journey started for

3:28

me basically after I graduated college and went

3:31

into the workforce. So with 20 20 hindsight, there some things

3:35

that came up for me in my first few jobs

3:38

that were kind of red flags. It was sort

3:41

of a thing where It was like, I wasn't fully understanding the directions of something,

3:46

or I would get in trouble for not doing something. So an example of this that

3:49

I actually used in the assessment process was

3:52

that there was 1 time in my student

3:54

teaching where I was supposed to. So they

3:57

go, you know, could you make the snaps?

3:59

Mh. Okay. I made the snacks. The next day

4:02

they were like, well, why didn't you make the snacks?

4:05

And I was like, oh, well, I didn't know I supposed to do it for the

4:08

second day. So it's, like, that's that autistic

4:11

literal. Like, you gave me the instruction.

4:13

I assumed 1 thing, and then it turned

4:15

out to me the other thing. So throughout my existence, there were these moments of

4:20

like, oh, you know, and at first, I

4:22

was like, oh, that's just weird. You know, I'm just a little weird or that's just

4:26

quirky. And then as they started to pile

4:28

up, the ups shot of that was

4:31

in that student teaching, this head teacher started

4:34

to really not like Yeah. And she would start to like,

4:38

kind just back off, I also had a really bad supervisor. So from these interactions, these

4:44

missed kind of you know, we're going in

4:46

and out. We're not fully understanding each other. It led to me failing my student teaching.

4:51

So I had to do it again with the different supervisors. So these are the ways

4:55

that my autism was affecting my abilities. So again,

5:00

when I think about that now it's like, well, if I had had workplace accommodations that

5:04

I if I'd know, maybe those things would

5:06

have gone differently. So some other examples of that, is that

5:10

in my current position, so 1 thing that

5:12

happens to autistic people in the workplace and

5:15

any job can be... They get in trouble

5:18

for asking too many questions. And questions for

5:20

an autistic person are very direct. I'm not

5:23

trying to question you in a sarcastic way.

5:26

I'm not trying to question you in, like,

5:29

Oh, actually, you're just wrong and I'm asking that question, but a lot of tim's people

5:33

interpret it that way. So I was working

5:35

with a colleague and she was the person who was supposed support me. And all of

5:39

a sudden I get an email from her. I mean, she's overs stressed. She's doing, like,

5:42

8 people's jobs, but she's like I can't answer your question anymore. You're gonna have to

5:46

take the reins for yourself. So at that point, I'm thinking,

5:49

okay. Well, now is the time for me to get these workplace accommodations because I'm starting

5:53

to see those cracks showing a again. Like, those cracks that I

5:57

had in my student teaching. Those cracks that I had in other job. So says, like,

6:01

no... I'm starting to to think something's going

6:04

on, let me investigate further. And so I kinda started getting a whiff

6:08

of that again. Other thing was my daughter has her own

6:12

autism of diagnosis. So as she was going

6:15

through the process of her diagnosis as I,

6:18

Oh, wait. I was like that. Like, oh,

6:20

my gosh. I did that as a kid or, you know, things like that that were

6:23

coming up. So she was really the start

6:26

of the process for me. Like, oh, you

6:28

know, it was really a lot of her experience was similar to mine. And then also

6:33

being a member of online autistic community and

6:36

seeing some of those workplace out does matching up my own. So

6:39

that's kind of how this journey got started

6:42

for me. And, yeah. So it's fascinating to hear

6:47

for a lot of reasons because looking at

6:51

what you were just saying. Like, your experience

6:53

with student teaching is 1 of those moments

6:56

where it looked like that person

7:00

felt that you rubbed them the wrong way or whatever,

7:04

and then it became... And I just send

7:06

it also to interrupt stuff. Mh. I remember

7:09

you asking a lot of questions too. Hundred

7:12

percent. I remember you asking a lot of questions. But also Yeah. I remember some of

7:16

the questions being, like, yeah. Okay. That's a helpful answer that we

7:21

just got. Have questions. Yeah, but it was

7:23

a lot. For sure. I'm impressed with the way that you're able

7:28

to reflect you're connecting the dots of, like, oh, this

7:32

happened, and maybe this is why

7:35

which I think is very hard for a lot of people to

7:38

sit there and say, oh, this wasn't just

7:41

this isolated experience with this isolated person which you know,

7:44

we see with kids with... Oh, it was that teacher or it was that circumstance or

7:48

whatever. Right? Not like, a pattern that you had enough

7:53

you know, meta cognition to say, oh, okay.

7:56

And I think that relates to

7:59

an elite diagnosis. Right? So

8:02

I've been through a variety of mis

8:05

to get to where I am. So I think that that can also

8:08

be very confusing as well for an adult because back in the day, back in grade,

8:13

I looked back on this now with a different lens, but at the time,

8:17

I was in eighth grade summer, and I

8:19

was leaving a camp, and I was so sad that all my friends were there. So

8:23

my father who was say psycho analyst was like, let's get you into therapy. Let's get

8:27

you on some medication. At that point, that started my journey of.

8:31

Are you depressed? Are you bipolar?

8:34

Are you or, you know, what's going on

8:36

here? And so, you know, different medication, different

8:39

things. But the funniest thing is that throughout

8:42

this journey, I stumbled on to a medication

8:45

that is actually prescribed for autistic people to

8:48

help calm down the nervous stuff. I started taking it because I was mis

8:53

diagnosed with mood disorder. Mh. But I found

8:57

that it's incredibly helpful to me. So a

9:00

lot of these what I would consider missteps,

9:02

you know, in quotation marks are actually things

9:05

that pointed me in the right direction. I just didn't realize that I was being pointed.

9:10

In the right direction. And I think also

9:12

of the years of therapy, the une ending years of therapy have helped

9:16

me gain that self awareness it. Mh. And

9:19

so as I look back through this lens of now I have a different framework of

9:23

describing what happened, those little light bulbs are

9:25

still going on. Even though the journey was

9:28

kind of tough. I would say. Fair enough.

9:31

But again, have you to Get. And I think questioning just to be a little bit

9:35

more specific is, like, questioning of authority? Because it kinda comes off

9:39

as, like, well, why am I gonna do it your way? It's not so much like,

9:43

asking a question in class as it is more of... It comes off

9:46

as questioning somebody else. You know? And I

9:49

think that's where we get into trouble as autistic people too, you know. I think so

9:53

because, like, what you were really doing when I'm thinking of the questions,

9:58

particular is you were just trying to get clarity

10:00

around expectations. Mh. Exactly. Yeah. And, I mean,

10:04

we'll get to that. But in my workplace

10:07

accommodations, that's something that was really important to

10:09

me to other people to understand. I'm not

10:12

questioning your authority. I just want clarity.

10:15

Clarity for a autistic person is like, Mana

10:18

from Heaven, like, see is giving me the kids in the clarity.

10:22

Well, yeah. Like, if they had said to

10:24

you in your student teaching irresponsible for snack

10:27

day. Tada right, Like.

10:31

You wouldn't have done the snack every day. This is something that's talked about a lot

10:34

in the office community. It's called the double.

10:37

Problem. Right? It's like, this idea that we

10:40

put a lot onto to autistic people or

10:42

any neuro people really, like, Adhd, d lexi

10:45

or whatever. We put the onus of chains onto that.

10:49

They're the ones who have to change to fit our world. They're the ones who have

10:52

to come into alignment with us as neuro

10:54

typical people. But it's a 2 way street. Mh. So

10:59

it's both how will my typical coworkers

11:03

come to meet me in the middle. And also, I do need to meet them in

11:06

the middle. I need to understand that when

11:08

they say, do the snack, there might be something missing.

11:12

So maybe I do need to ask a clarifying question. Maybe I do need to make

11:15

sure that there wasn't anything that got missed.

11:18

So it's this idea of empathy and understanding

11:21

being a 2 way street versus how we

11:24

generally want it to be a 1 way

11:26

injury. And the double empathy, it really resonates

11:29

with me is a lay diagnosed

11:32

autistic person because

11:34

it frees me up from all of a

11:37

sudden feeling like I have to just completely

11:39

change who I am. No. I don't have to completely change who I am. I just

11:43

now have an awareness of how other

11:46

non autistic or neuro people will

11:49

interpret me. And I think that's really value.

11:52

It is valuable. Okay. So let's go in

11:54

order. Yeah. So you were observing

11:57

what was going on with your daughter and sort of the things that were happening. You

12:01

were relating. You did take this step to go and

12:05

do an assessment for yourself. But I guess my question for you is... I

12:10

mean, you knew what the outcome was gonna be. Yeah. Pretty much. Yeah. So

12:14

why did you go ahead take the step to do the formal testing and do all

12:18

that? When you sort of knew the outcome. Really

12:22

good point. Because I personally believe that as

12:24

an autistic person, self diagnosis is a completely

12:27

valid expression of autism. Mh. There plenty of people. And

12:33

I started this way. I actually explored my diagnosis as starting off as self diagnose.

12:37

So I wanna really be clear that I

12:39

think that is absolutely valid. If you self

12:42

diagnose as autistic Are. And I don't see it necessarily as so

12:46

much of an identity. But if you feel like your life experience

12:50

fits the constellation of autism and you... That's

12:52

how you experience the world. Self diagnosis is completely valuable.

12:56

For me, the reason that I took that

12:59

next step was really what was happening at work. And really what was... Like, those that we're

13:03

starting to show. And and again, nothing was

13:06

overt, nothing was, like, awful. But when I

13:09

got that email back about, like, I'm sorry. I can't answer

13:12

anymore you ask too many questions. I was like, let me see that if

13:16

I can start this process and get some

13:18

formal accommodations in play, Another 1 of my coworker actually is autistic

13:23

with workplace accommodations. So I reached out to

13:26

her. I talked to her about what that process was like for her.

13:29

And she really encouraged me to move forward if I could. The other challenge

13:34

for self diagnosed autistic people moving into trying

13:38

to get a diagnosis is the expense. It was expensive. And it always is expensive.

13:44

I'm just like, when I send a family out to get a neuro psych, I know

13:47

it's going to be expense and, you know,

13:49

And and it was. It wasn't cheap. But again, at that point, I knew that that's

13:53

what I wanted. I've also used accommodations at the airport. So

13:56

it's not just like, workplace stuff. It's like,

13:59

I can actually get it on a plane earlier. Like, I've asked for that. And so

14:02

I think that that was really my desire to get accommodations

14:07

that maybe take that next step. It wasn't

14:09

so much am Autistic or not. No. I

14:11

kinda new. You know, I was self diagnosing

14:14

way before the the assessment. But... Yeah. So that was kind of had

14:18

the ball started the. Fascinated. I know we'll

14:21

probably touch on this when we talk about the actual accommodations is the other thing I

14:25

didn't just want my accommodations to be, like,

14:28

a safety not for me. I also wanted it to be my operating system.

14:32

So for those people who are able to

14:35

know my accommodations like my current boss, it's also... How do you work with me?

14:39

What will be to your advantage

14:42

to work with me. You know? If you

14:44

give me feedback to do it this way. So I think there's also an aspect of

14:48

just like wanting to be the best possible

14:53

employee, which sounds kind of funny. But, like,

14:56

wanting to be the best possible employee, if you do these things, you will get

15:00

the best out of me. So again, it's

15:02

that double empathy It's the 2 way Street. It's like, here's what I need from you,

15:06

and here's what I can give you. In

15:08

return. So that was also why Wanted to do it I want people to

15:12

understand that there are really good ways to work with me.

15:15

And not. So like, don't just tell me

15:17

to do this. Don't just say do snacks. It. No We just don't to say the

15:21

snacks. You can work together. My question to

15:23

you is, with the formal diagnosis you were able to

15:26

get the accommodations. Could you have gotten accommodations without the formal

15:31

diagnosis? Yes and no. So some of the things that I wanted

15:36

that were very big asks. Okay. And I don't think that

15:41

they would have said yes. To them if I hadn't had a

15:44

you know, a diagnosis to back them up with. The other thing is

15:49

for me, it's a protection. Mh. There's also

15:51

a certain shield of accommodations. Like, there are

15:54

people who I find in my workplace rugby the wrong way.

15:58

Right? And so if they knew my diagnosis, they

16:02

might start to say, well, oh, well, I can't work with her because she's autistic.

16:06

And then at that point, that that's when Hr gets involved. I'm sorry, we can't discriminate

16:11

against you because of your autism.

16:14

Wait are not allowed to do that. I'm sorry. Please leave her alone.

16:18

That kind of it. Okay. But, yes, I

16:20

could have had certain I wouldn't even call them accommodations at that

16:24

point, just certain things people could know about me. But they wouldn't necessarily know why, and

16:28

they wouldn't necessarily follow through. And the why

16:31

and the follow through is kind of what I wanted on record

16:34

v. This is on record. This is on file. Yeah. And when I go through my

16:38

accommodations with you, some of them are not really

16:40

enforce, but they are there to remind people. I'm

16:44

very interested in what these

16:47

accommodations are. Now you've you've peaked by interest.

16:49

So can we go through them? I don't

16:51

have my list with me. I'm not on my computer, but there are few that are

16:57

around feedback. And this came out of something that did

17:01

actually happen where an administrator that I work with, all

17:04

of a sudden in a meeting that had nothing to do

17:07

with anything, started giving me all this really negative feedback,

17:11

just out of the blue. And so in my accommodations, I just said,

17:15

If you want to give me feedback, positive

17:18

or negative, make sure that we set up

17:20

a time and a meeting where the meeting

17:22

is explained and that we will go over the feedback

17:26

at that to wind it back a little bit after

17:29

that meeting I had with the administrator I

17:32

had a full blown autistic meltdown. Like, I had to lead you. It just

17:37

completely threw off my sensory system. It completely

17:39

threw off my mental loop. So at that point, I was realizing that

17:43

ad if feedback is given to me, I

17:46

will not have this melt out. So that was 1 accommodation. Please give me feedback, let

17:50

me know when the meeting is happening and want the meeting will be about.

17:54

Another 1 that I asked for was an

17:57

explanation, when I am required to part anticipate in

18:00

a meeting to get advanced notice of what the meeting

18:04

is and what are the expectations? So that's

18:07

seems very straightforward. Right? That seems like just a natural

18:10

thing 1 will do in a workplace, but

18:13

not in my workplace. A lot of times

18:16

meetings are just ad hoc. They're just like, oh, we're just gonna talk about this. And

18:20

then all of a sudden, I would find myself completely unprepared.

18:24

Oh, yeah. You should talk about this, and then I wouldn't be prepared. Both of those

18:28

accommodations are really let me know in advance what's coming. So

18:33

that I can prepare. And thinking of that

18:35

again, that makes me a better employee. Right? That makes me a better employee for you

18:40

because I will have all my notes together. I will every

18:43

documentation that you need for this. The other 2 big ones were because of

18:49

my sensory needs graduation and promotion were 2 things I asked

18:55

to be exempt from. And those were the big ask.

19:00

Those are the very, very big asks.

19:02

There are a lot of, I would use

19:05

the word triggers for me. Around graduation,

19:08

around the ceremony, the heat,

19:11

often, it's, like 90, a hundred degrees out

19:14

So I didn't know. You know, it's kind of that whole shoot

19:19

for the moon and land among the stars. Like, I didn't actually think they were going

19:22

to approve that, and they didn't And the thing about that is that

19:27

nobody wants to go to this thing. Mh. It's an unspoken requirement. And then again, as

19:31

an autistic person, it's very to read those

19:34

unspoken requirements. Right? Like, oh, you don't have

19:37

to be there? Yeah. Yeah. You know it's

19:39

like, those silence x expectations. So I just

19:41

asked to the exempt from those, and they

19:44

they approved it. So at that point, I was, like, I

19:47

have an administration that really gets this and

19:50

really supports me. Our Hr department was wonderful.

19:54

They just worked with me. Ask me questions,

19:57

you know, just really wanted to clarify. And I think those were the big ones.

20:03

There might have been 1 more. But again, it was along that same lines of late.

20:07

Just let me know things in advance.

20:10

I had to figure out my job from scratch, and that was an incredibly anxiety from

20:14

vocal experience for me. So I just also put in there, the idea

20:18

that if any of these expectations changed or

20:21

we're adding new things in or new expectations

20:24

that we get those in so that it's not just a verbal agreement.

20:29

It's that now you're taking on responsibility. Here's

20:32

what that looks like, and now you're taking on why responsibility. And these are the outcomes

20:37

that we expect. Yeah. These are the outcomes

20:39

we expect. Here's is the follow through. And

20:42

To go back a little bit, I think with autism,

20:45

the way I understand it for me is

20:47

that my anxiety and my sensory system are

20:50

very connect. So what appears like anxiety is often also

20:54

related to uncertainty. It's related to sensory stuff. So

20:59

some of the accommodations that I have were just really designed to kind of mitigate that

21:04

anxiety. My whole first year is, like, I

21:06

don't know what I'm doing I have to come up with this 1

21:09

scratch. Nobody helped me. And now this year

21:12

being my second year it's much easier. But that was sort of again something I

21:16

was thinking of in the accommodation since, like,

21:18

change up. Yeah. Change is hard. And we also have a

21:23

new director coming in this year since and

21:25

that was another consideration getting the accommodations. Like,

21:28

what if I have a director if he is much less accommodating

21:31

Now we have something on file that says this is the best way to work. Those

21:35

sorts of things are huge. And, yes, it

21:37

was a big ask, but it's really not that big an ask. The ask is really

21:41

more can you exempt me and you won't exempt

21:45

others for this XYZ reason, not that they

21:48

have to do anything extra for it. No.

21:51

But I think some accommodations are fair to

21:53

ask extra. Oh, that was 1 I did

21:55

forget. I do have the right to wear noise canceling headphones in the school building.

22:00

Our school building has a no headphones policy

22:02

for the students. But we've given had headphones accommodations to certain

22:06

student to have asked for them. So it's

22:09

not something out of the field. So like you said, nobody is going above and beyond.

22:13

But it is just allowing things that aren't

22:15

normally allowed. Mh. So even though nobody is

22:18

gonna say, you can't be sick and have

22:20

your attend graduation, it's just really more...

22:24

I'm not asking for this for no reason. Right? I need

22:28

this. But, yes, none of these accommodations are

22:30

really, like, go out of your way. So I think that that might have been

22:34

why they were so easily proved, honestly.

22:37

If they actually had to be something for me, it might have been a little bit

22:40

different. You know, And some of the things I

22:42

don't expect all the time. Like, you don't have to give me, you know, meaning notes.

22:46

I'll take them. You don't have to give me me necessarily whole, like, bullet point preview

22:51

of the meeting, I will figure that out. So when I asked for this accommodations, I

22:55

did also tape that in to consider a is how much is the school going to

22:59

need to do versus what can it just be allowed? Yeah. It's

23:03

wonderful. This is why we wanted to have the conversation. If and when you move on

23:07

to another position at another school. What's your

23:10

plan on how you'll approach this? Well, I

23:13

think that in the interview process, sometimes it

23:15

is problematic matter for autistic people to self

23:18

disclose. I don't know whether these accommodations would have

23:22

happened my first year. And I think that that is something where

23:27

asking shift and change in that. If I did go somewhere else,

23:31

I would test the climate before saying it?

23:34

So is this a place where I feel that neuro origin people are supported? And if

23:39

so, then maybe I would say that at in the interviewer or I

23:44

would ask, you know, do you have any employees with workplace accommodations and how do you

23:47

work with that? You know, and the reaction to that question

23:51

would prove an answer. Right? And I'm not

23:54

saying the school that I work at is perfect in any stretch of the imagination,

23:57

and I may have stumbled into something. So I think that it really is hard

24:02

because some places don't want to hire out

24:04

autistic people. Some hiring managers. You know, they

24:07

say they won't discriminate, but they do. You

24:09

know? So in answer to your question, I'm

24:12

not really sure. I don't know. You know,

24:14

I think the biggest thing for me would be is to make sure that I'm going

24:18

in a direction where I feel like people

24:20

would support. You know, rather than, like, going backwards.

24:24

To a place where it's, like, I'd have to them fight for these. Are there legal

24:29

requirements? Of business owners to provide these

24:33

accommodations, the way that, you know, in the

24:35

school were legally bound to for certain things.

24:39

Really, really good questions. So Americans with disabilities act does include

24:45

certain neuro groups. So autism is absolutely included under Ada.

24:50

Adhd is a little bit different, but Adhd can,

24:55

be included in Ada for workplace accommodations depending

24:58

on how much it impacts the person. So

25:01

if you're really impacted by your Adhd, there

25:05

are ways to find workplace accommodations for that.

25:08

It's just... I think that's a little more dicey, but it's all covered under the Americans

25:12

with disabilities act. So that is where the

25:15

the Idea comes from. It's all kind of

25:17

pulled out of that 05:04 plans are also in

25:20

that. But once you have

25:23

official Hr accommodations are protected by law. I

25:26

would be hard pressed to prove anything,

25:30

But that's again, why it's on file. It's

25:32

just to save me. Mh. We it. But, yes, once you have these accommodations, you

25:37

have the right. To that. You know, You have the absolute

25:41

right to say this hasn't been handled well,

25:45

or I need this. And that's why I

25:47

again, I was so careful in not asking for too much. And I hate to

25:51

put it that limit. You know, I was

25:53

ready to make my case. I was ready

25:55

to be like, well, if you say no to this, then this is why I want...

25:58

You know that kind of thing. Mh. But

26:01

now that they're on the books, it is something where I at least... Would be able

26:04

to say, here are some reasons why autistic

26:06

people get fired. So

26:09

you're doing that to me right now. And

26:11

that's again, that protections on. It doesn't seem

26:14

like you had to fight that hard. No. I did not. I'm very lucky that I

26:18

didn't. I credit our Hr team.

26:21

With that new head of Hr is disabled

26:23

herself. So I think she understands that that

26:26

you indeed through people that have accommodations in

26:28

the workplace So, yeah, I was pleasantly surprised

26:31

at not having to fight at all, really,

26:36

just needed to do a lot of explaining. A lot of explain. Why do you need

26:41

this? What is this? Mh. And I think

26:43

it also helped to have somebody else who had laid this path.

26:47

Before me. So another coworker who has

26:51

accommodations for her autism. So she paved the way from making and

26:54

this in a lot of ways. And so how would you say it's changed now that

26:59

you have the questions accommodation, for instance,

27:02

the clarifying stuff? How are things different? So

27:05

the challenges is, I am not

27:08

disclosing to everyone in my workplace right now.

27:10

Mh. I have made some choices. And so

27:13

In the autistic community, we talk a lot about the term masking, and I don't know

27:17

if you guys know that is explain it. So the idea of masking,

27:21

is as an autistic person, we navigate the world

27:26

learning how to fit in with neuro difficult

27:29

people. And that is incredibly exhausted. So the idea

27:33

of masking is that we put up our mask and me say,

27:36

I'm gonna try to be as neuro typical

27:38

as I possibly can today, Just to fit

27:40

in at work and just to get through my dad. And

27:44

a lot of people when they have a diagnosis all of a sudden like you wanna

27:47

un mask. You wanna be your authentic self, but that can actually allude to its own

27:51

challenges. That can relate to its own problems.

27:54

So I was lucky to take a workshop

27:57

with this amazing autistic coach named Matthew.

28:01

And he talked about masking as a tool.

28:04

So not everybody has

28:07

deserves to see the real. Not every person deserves to know and to

28:12

be trusted with the fact that I am autistic.

28:15

There are people at my school where

28:18

They've said the quiet part out loud, You know? An independent school is not always a

28:22

place for a neuro kid? Yeah. So how

28:24

do we treat our adults? In our population.

28:27

And so that is where I have made

28:30

choices where I'm like, you know, what, I'm not gonna be completely open and straightforward and

28:34

therefore not everybody knows about my accommodations and not

28:38

everybody knows at me. Now,

28:40

I know I wasn't a graduation this year. And if anybody asked me, I would say,

28:45

you know, direct your nose, Hr knows, that's

28:48

all I'll say about it. And if people get stinking about that, that's on them. That's

28:53

really kind of none of my business, you know? Yeah. And really, like who's paying that

28:58

close attention to you. Oh, people are. Okay.

29:01

I mean, after having a lot of jobs

29:03

where I've been kind of burned and and

29:06

just kind of pushed in sideline, it's a risk that you take

29:10

that sometimes is worth it and sometimes is not. Now everybody that I have disclosed to

29:15

at work has been wonderful and supportive it.

29:19

And my boss and my assistant director on

29:22

Hr. They've all been incredibly supportive. So I

29:24

have a lot of evidence that I can trust the system that I'm in.

29:28

Can I trust every single person in the

29:31

system that I'm in to not act beard

29:33

or to not be like, oh, you should like do not just or whatever that would

29:36

look like? I don't know. And so that's why I'm

29:40

choosing to wear a mask some people and

29:42

not mask with others. And that's far has served me very well.

29:47

I spent my whole first year in my

29:49

current job, not knowing. So I'm still building relationships. My whole goal

29:54

for this year is just relationship relationship relationship.

29:57

So I'm am very hopeful that nothing's gonna come with. That nothing will

30:02

change. And so far nothing really has. And the people who matter they get it,

30:07

which I'm really, really happy with. I hope that answered your question. It did.

30:11

Yeah. It's lovely. 1 thing that I've had

30:14

to come to terms with is that not everybody is gonna, like, Right, If I a

30:18

mask and I show man to successfully, Part

30:20

of my job is rubbing people the wrong way. Like, part of my job is standing

30:24

up for our students and telling teachers pay, that's not cool, Like,

30:29

how you handled that situation was not great. So

30:32

even just in the very nature of my position, I am going to, you know,

30:37

I'm sorry a teacher who's been teaching for 30 years like you can't do. So

30:41

Part of my job is just doing the job.

30:45

And you don't have to like me. We have to get along enough to be coworkers.

30:49

At the end of the day, that's where

30:52

I'm really lucky to be in the workplace that I am because people get that. They

30:56

appreciate that about... I've gotten an email from my boss after I stood

31:00

up to a teacher in a meeting saying thank you.

31:03

Sure like, my autistic tendency to be an

31:07

advocate and speak the truth is valued here. You know, other places that nail that sticks

31:11

up is gonna go. Way, you're gonna hammer it down. You know, don't say that.

31:15

So I think it's a big combination of

31:17

things. I'm very, very lucky. And also, I think

31:20

this is something I wanna acknowledge to. I have a ton of privilege

31:25

when it comes to my office. I have

31:27

its ton of privilege because I can afford to get

31:32

an assessment. I can afford to take my daughter to

31:35

all these really expensive therapies and camps.

31:39

And so I think that for me, when

31:42

you guys ask me about, like, who should get a diagnosis or, you know, what's it,

31:45

like, there are so many barriers in our society

31:49

to autistic people of color, getting this support that

31:53

they need, autistic people who don't speak English,

31:56

getting what they need. So I am very,

31:59

very blessed to be in an environment that

32:02

supports me and to be in a workplace that supports me. And I also acknowledge that

32:06

not everybody is as lucky as I am

32:08

or as privileged as Am. So I put

32:10

that out there only to say that, you know, everything smells like Roses.

32:14

But that really isn't always the case. And

32:16

part of my heart is in supporting those

32:19

autistic adults who don't tab entries that I

32:22

have. You'll hear stories about, like, people can't

32:25

keep down a job. There's discrimination. There's color, there's all the stuff.

32:29

And so I just put out there that I'm pretty

32:32

lucky to not have had to fight to

32:35

have people that support me. How has it

32:38

informed your parenting? Oh, it's amazing.

32:41

I actually have a story to tell about this. So

32:44

Last night, my daughter was having

32:47

really, really hard time getting to sleep like, so

32:51

hard. Like, she was just running around spinning,

32:54

just doing all of her sensory stuff. And I thought about it to myself and

32:58

like, if I were in her shoes right

33:00

now. What would I need to calm myself

33:03

down as an autistic person can get into

33:06

sensory overload. And when I tapped into that, I was

33:09

able to get her to go sleep? I gave her really deep pressure back,

33:14

I sat with her, and a lot of

33:17

parents, the super would have been like, no.

33:19

Just go in your room and calm down. Just go in there and stay quiet and

33:23

what she really needed, and this comes from my understanding as an

33:27

autistic adult. She needed her literal nerves, her nervous sister

33:32

needed to calm down. If she could calm herself down, she would have Mh.

33:38

So the information that I have for myself. It's

33:41

like, oh, I need to take a shower.

33:44

I need to do something that physically changes my situation or the temperature doesn't

33:49

where there's a loud noise. So knowing that

33:52

helps me get my daughter to bed. If I had just done, like, more traditional set...

33:56

Parenting, she would have had to just

33:59

knock herself out. And we've had nights like

34:01

that. But I think it makes me such a

34:04

better parent from my daughter because

34:07

I have it more nuanced understanding of what

34:09

she's going through. So I think it's been

34:11

really great opportunity to change my parenting to

34:14

shift my parenting into something that really works for her. Mh.

34:18

To be fair though, my daughter also has

34:20

language processing challenges that are a bit different

34:23

than my own growing up, So it's not if

34:27

1 to 1 correspondence, but it does help. Sound like it. That's

34:30

awesome. What do you want other people to know?

34:34

So much so much. I can make my own podcast about what I want. I what

34:38

I want other means now. But I think

34:41

that a couple of things that I would say

34:43

to other adults looking into this process,

34:47

make it all about you. This is all about you. Don't worry about

34:52

whether or not you're gonna get the workplace accommodations. Don't worry about it. If you can't

34:56

afford it, That's fine. You can self diagnose.

34:59

If you can, great. You'll find something out

35:01

about yourself, but it has to be what

35:04

you want and it has to be something

35:07

that you do for yourself and not for

35:09

other people. You can get so much out of it,

35:12

but it's also something where if you truly

35:14

believe you're autistic, and you've got it and

35:17

it works for you and you're trying your best. That also works. So I think that this

35:23

is a great thing for some people,

35:27

but you are totally within your rights to

35:30

not want. To get a diagnosis, and that's

35:32

okay. The process after... What happens after you get

35:36

a diagnosis. This is also really interesting. Because it can really shake you. It can

35:41

shake your world. And even though, like, sometimes it's like, oh, well

35:46

I already knew that about myself, having the

35:49

formal diagnosis can be a game changer both

35:52

for good and for that. So

35:55

it's an emotional roller coat. So also, if

35:57

you are going to do it, make sure that you have the emotional support system in

36:01

place to deal with what might be the

36:04

fallout for you. And I don't mean that in a bad way. It's a totally new

36:09

frame to see your life through.

36:11

And with that, you're gonna have to

36:14

just think about things in a new way.

36:17

For me, the biggest 1 was my sensory system.

36:20

Understanding now, I didn't even know when I was hungry.

36:23

Like, I didn't no hunger. And so this is something that is the

36:26

part of autism it's called intra perception and

36:29

knowing your body. So I had a huge shift

36:33

in my understanding and that was a positive,

36:36

but it can be a shot. So I think that would also be something I would

36:39

want people to know is this can be really positive.

36:43

There are also people out there who say they wish they never had a today. Mh.

36:47

And I seen some of those people that I've talked to about them.

36:50

So I would also say to just do your

36:53

homework, make sure that you really do this

36:55

for yourself. Know what you're getting into. And

36:59

for me again, I'm lucky to say it

37:01

has been an amazing experience. For me. Again, there is nothing wrong with

37:06

deciding this is not for you. And in

37:08

the autistic community, there are divides between self

37:12

diagnosis and medical diagnosis. They're clinical...

37:16

With that, it's also when you go for a medical

37:19

diagnosis, that's f too. Because a lot of

37:24

medicine wants to eradicate autism and not support

37:28

op. There are people that they're doing studies, how

37:30

do we pure autism. And so for some people going into the

37:34

medical model, it's not something they wanna do

37:37

because they don't wanna be cured. They don't wanna be fixed.

37:40

Seen as a problem. So there's also that...

37:43

But in terms of divide between self diagnosis and formal, I don't think there

37:48

should be. I think you know you're autistic

37:51

1 you're, so that would be another thing. So we've

37:54

talked a little bit about how your diagnosis

37:57

has informed your parenting. How has it

38:01

informed your role as the learning specialist.

38:04

So that's a really great question. I feel

38:06

like I've always had compassion

38:10

for our learning diver students. But now I see it more

38:15

as an obligation. By the way, it's no small.

38:20

Coincidence that somehow you wound up in this field.

38:23

That is not worth free. Yeah. The stars aligned. I mean, I've always

38:28

felt quirky. I've always definitely am amazing thing,

38:30

but I feel like now though... And this is something that I do struggle

38:34

with a little bit because if I am

38:36

not fully living my truth, my autistic truth

38:40

on campus. How can I expect our students to want

38:43

to take their accommodations or not feel shame,

38:46

So I'm not out to our student population?

38:49

Yet. But that's something that I'm am considering

38:52

because the biggest goal that I have for

38:54

my students with the accommodations is that they feel

38:57

full in their diagnoses. They feel proud of themselves as learners, and

39:02

they work twice as hard as these kids

39:05

who look around and they're, oh, they're just the Ap plus student. You know, we all

39:08

know that they hit their wall in high school. Right? Or they're gonna hit their wall

39:12

in college. Hard whereas the kids who have

39:14

been working on reading or working their whole

39:16

eyes on these things, they develop that grid.

39:19

It makes me more compassionate, it makes me

39:21

more of a fighter when it comes to, like, getting my students

39:26

the accommodations because I had to advocate for

39:28

my own accommodations. And I want that same

39:32

buyer more of my students. There are a

39:35

lot of kids at my school who... They

39:37

feel shame. They feel bad. They feel like

39:39

they're not good enough. They look around. Everybody's better than me. Everybody's getting A's. I'm getting

39:43

to see And those are the kids that I want

39:47

them to know that their diagnosis doesn't make them dumb. It doesn't

39:51

make them stupid. And so I think that my own diagnosis

39:54

has lit that buyer both of compassion and

39:58

advocacy for the students that Are I work. Love that. Mh. Thank you for being here.

40:02

Thank you for your vulnerability and let's send on that. Note. Yeah. And

40:06

thank you for doing what you do, and being willing to share. My pleasure. Alright. I

40:11

have a great week, Smart.